Scene 5As the lights come on, the scene of the top of the cliff where the sword fight was held can be seen on stage. Enter Jason, Nate who has been casted as the Count Rugen, and their guards, Justin, Chris and Ryan who have been casted as extras in this part, examining the battleground of Frank and Brandon.
Jason: *examining the ground* There was a mighty duel. It ranged all over. *following the footprints around a bit* They were both masters.
Nate -Count Rugen-: Who won? How did it end?
Jason: The loser ran off alone, and the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder...
Nate: Shall we track them both?
Jason: *shaking his head* The loser is nothing. Only the princess matters. Clearly this was all planned by warriors of Guilder! We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.
Nate: Could this be a trap?
Jason: *chuckles and gives Nate a sly look* I always think everything could be a trap. That is why I am still alive.
Jason and his men scurry off. The lights go out on the stage and when they come back on the scene is of a field. Chad is sitting with Lucy, a table out in front of them. On the table is a wine bottle and two glasses. Brandon enters, approaching Chad and Lucy.
Chad: *sees Brandon approaching and pulls out a dagger, holding it up to Lucy's neck as he speaks* So, it is down to you, and it is down to me... *Brandon continues to approach and Chad motions to the dagger held at Lucy's throat* If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving forward.
Brandon: *holding his hands up and slowing down a little* Let me explain...
Chad: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen.
Brandon: *still walking forward* Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?
Chad: There will be no arrangements... *presses the dagger against Lucy's throat, causing her to gasp* And you're killing her.
Brandon: *stops walking* But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
Chad: *grins* I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Brandon: You're that smart?
Chad: Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard or Repsol, Zog, Momo?
Brandon: Yes.
Chad: Morons!
Brandon: Really! In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
Chad: For the princess? *Brandon nods* To the death? *Brandon nods* I accept! *Chad resheathes his dagger, hanging it at his side*
Brandon: Good, then pour the wine. *Chad pours the wine as Brandon pulls a small vial out from his glove, opening it and handing it to Chad* Inhale this but do not touch.
Chad: *taking a vial from the Brandon* I smell nothing.
Brandon: *taking the vial back* What you do not smell is iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquid and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.
Chad: *shrugs with laughter* Hmmm.
Brandon: *turning his back, and adding the poison to one of the goblets. He turns back around, shifts the goblets a bit then sets them down on the table and sits across from Chad* Alright, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink - and find out who is right, and who is dead.
Chad: *grinning* But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemies? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you...But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Brandon: You've made your decision then?
Chad: *happily* Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from the regions near Sin City. As everyone knows, Sin City is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Brandon: *shaking his head in humored amazment* Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Chad: Wait 'till I get going!! *pauses to think* ...where was I?
Brandon: Sin City.
Chad: Yes! Sin City! And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin,so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Brandon: You're just stalling now.
Chad: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you! You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong...so you could have put the poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Romerian, which means you must have studied...and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Brandon: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Chad: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!
Brandon: Then make your choice.
Chad: I will, and I choose...*pointing behind the Brandon and gasping* What in the world can that be?
Brandon: *turning around, while Chad switches goblets* What?! Where?! I don't see anything.
Chad: Oh, well, I...I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. *Chad snickers*
Brandon: What's so funny?
Chad: I...I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink, me from my glass and you from yours.
They both drink.
Brandon: *smirking as he sets his goblet back down* You guessed wrong.
Chad: *laughing* You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool!! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Highfort; and only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sumerian, when death is on the line!
Chad continues to laugh hysterically. Suddenly, he stops and falls right over. The Brandon removes the blindfold from the princess.
Lucy: Who are you?
Brandon: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you'll ever need know.
Lucy: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Brandon: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up immunity to iocaine powder.
The lights go out as Brandon drags Lucy off the set. When they come back on the scene is of the battle ground where Brandon and David fought. Jason, Nate, and their men are there.
Jason: *inspecting the area* Some one has beaten a giant. There will be great suffering in Guilder if she dies.
The group rushes off again and once more the lights go out. They come back on to reveal that the stage is set up as a grassy field and Brandon and Lucy are running across it.
Brandon: *stops* Catch your breath.
Lucy: If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom you'll get it, I promise you.
Brandon: *laughing* And what is that worth... the promise of a woman...You're very funny highness.
Lucy: *catching her breath* I was giving you a chance. It does not matter where you take me. There is no greater hunter than Prince Humperdinck. He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.
Brandon: You think your dearest love will save you?
Lucy: *insulted* I never said he was my dearest love. And yes, he will save me - that I know.
Brandon: *surprised* You admit to me you do not love your fiance?.
Lucy: He knows I do not love him.
Brandon: *snapping* ...Are not capable of love is what you mean.
Lucy: *taken back* I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!
Brandon: *raising his hand at Lucy as if to hit her. She turns her face away, expecting the blow but Brandon stops* That was a warning, highness! The next time my hand flies on its own; where I come from there are penalties when a women lies.
The lights go out once more and the stage is once again set to the scene of where Chad and Brandon had their battle.
Jason: *running the empty vial under his nose* Iocaine! I'd bet my life on it. And there are the princesses footprints. She is alive, or was an hour ago...if she is otherwise, I shall be very put out!
Once again the stage darkens. The lights come back on to reveal that the stage is now set up as a large hill, Brandon and Lucy are running around on top of it before Brandon stops Lucy.
(Nate- That was a lot of scene changes. How did you managed to pull that off?
Alex- We're quick.... wait a sec, what are you doing back here?!? Get up there for your part!) Brandon: Rest, highness.
Lucy: I know who you are. Your cruelty reveals everything. You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it!
Brandon: With pride. *bows* What can I do for you?
Lucy: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Brandon: *shaking his head, tsking* Hardly complimentary, your highness...Why do you use your venom on me?
Lucy: *upset* You killed my love.
Brandon: *shrugging* It's possible, I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another prince like this one...ugly, rich, and scabby?
Lucy: No, a farmboy...poor! Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm. On the the high-seas your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners!
Brandon: I can't afford to make exceptions. I mean once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft people begin to disobey him and its nothing but work, work, work all the time.
Lucy: *angered even more* You mock my pain!
Brandon: Life is pain, highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something. *pausing for a bit* I remember this farmboy of yours I think. This would be what? Five years ago? Does it bother you to hear?
Lucy: Nothing you can say will upset me.
Brandon: He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said please, please, I need to live. It was the please that caught my memory. I asked what was so important for him; 'True love' he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness...I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.
Lucy: And what am I?
Brandon: Faithfulness he talked of, madam, your enduring faithfulness! Now tell me truly, when you found out he was gone did you get engaged to your prince that same hour or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?!
Lucy: *shouting* You mocked me once! Never do it again! I died that day!
Brandon and Lucy see Jason's men in the distance.
Lucy: You can die too, for all I care!! *pushing him down the hillside*
Brandon: *tumbling down and echoing* As.......you.....wish.......
Lucy: *shocked* Oh, my sweet Westley, what have I done?
Lucy hurls herself down the mountain, in chase of Brandon.
Jason, Nate and their men walk in at the top of the hill and glance around.
Jason: They disappeared. They must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking into error. Unless I'm wrong, and I'm never wrong, they are headed straight into the fire swamp.
Brandon and Lucy finally cease falling. Brandon moves over to help Lucy.
Brandon: Can you move at all?
Lucy: *joyous* Move? You're alive! If you want I could fly.
Brandon: *leaning over Lucy* I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
Lucy: *sincerely* Well, you were dead.
Brandon: But death cannot stop true love...All it can do is delay it for awhile.
Lucy: I will never doubt again.
Brandon: There will never be a need.
Lucy and Brandon embrace and the lights go out on the stage. The come back on over where Alex and Diane are sitting.
Diane: *interrupting the story* Oh, no! No. Please!
Alex: What is it? What's the matter?
Diane: *disgusted* They're kissing again. Do we have to hear the kissing part?
Alex: Someday you might not mind so much.
Diane: Get on to the fire swamp, that sounded good!
Alex: *grumbling* Oh...you're sick, I'll humor you. Oh, okay....*finds the right page*
The lights move from Alex and Diane and appear once again on the stage where Lucy and Brandon are now walking around the bottom of the hill. Alex can be heard reading still.
Alex: Westley and Buttercup raced along the ravine floor.
Brandon: Aha! Your pig fiance is too late! A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire swamp.
Lucy: *worried* We'll never survive.
Brandon: *confident* Nonsense! You're only saying that because no one ever has.
The lights black out for a moment and when they come back on the stage has been set up to look like a thick, dangerous forest. Sounds of various unseen creatures play over the speakers.
Brandon: *glancing around* It's not that bad...*receives a glance from Lucy* Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely.
They continue through an eerie maze of trees. Suddenly, a popping sound is heard. A flame shoots up from the ground, catching Lucy's dress on fire. She screams.
(Nate- How'd you do that?
Alex- What do you mean how'd I do that? We've got like, eight mages in here, I just had Janet cast a quick flame spell.
Nate- Ah....) Brandon: *calmly, smothering the flame* Well now, that was an adventure. Singed a bit, were you?
Lucy: *nervously shaking her head no* You?
Brandon simply nods his head no, not losing an ounce of confidence. They continue. Suddenly another popping sound is heard. Brandon calmly lifts Lucy out of harms way as a flame rises from the ground.
Brandon: Well, one thing I will say; the fire swamp certainly does keep you on your toes. This will all soon be but a happy memory. *Brandon cuts through a mass of vines* Robert's ship Revenge is banked at the far end. And as you know I am Roberts.
Lucy: But how's that possible, since he's been marauding 20 years and you only left me 5 years ago?
Brandon: I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks. See, what I told you before about saying please was true...it intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of your beauty. Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, 'Alright Westley, never had a valet, you can try if you'd like. I'll most likely to kill you in the morning.' For three years said that. 'Good night Westley, good work, sleep well, I'll most likely to kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me - I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me. Roberts and I eventually became friends. And then it happened.
Lucy: What? Go on.
Brandon: Well Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts,' he said 'my name is Ryar. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me.
Brandon: *continuing* The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either - his name was Cumberbun. The real Roberts had been retired 15 years and was living like a king in Patagonia.' Then he explained the name was the important for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard for awhile as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except now that were together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?
Suddenly, Lucy steps into a pit of sand and vanishes Brandon, thinking quickly, cuts a vine and ties it around himself then plunges down in search of Lucy. Moments later, they resurface, gasping for breath and coughing.
Lucy: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Brandon: No, no. *still gasping* We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the fire swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem - there's a popping sound preceding each. We can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Lucy: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Brandon: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
(Alex- *rushing onto the stage* Wait wait! Hold it!
Brandon- *glancing up at the woren* What?
Alex- Uh... *rubs the back of his neck uneasily* We need a rodent...
Lucy- *rolling her eyes* Great... just great. *muttering* You mean you didn't think of that earlier?
Alex- Well, *sheepish grin* It kinda slipped my mind.
Frank- I could go get Neko-Chan! She could play the part! *runs off, returning a moment later with Neko-Chan*
Neko-Chan- Myah? What? *tails waving curiously*
Alex- Hey Neko! Do me a bit favor? I need you to play the part of and R.O.U.S.
Neko-Chan- Myah? A what???
Alex- Rodent Of Unusual Size.
Neko-Chan- MYAH??? A RODENT! I don't think so!!!
Alex- *sweatdrop* What if we changed it to K.O.U.S? Kitty Of Unusual Size?
Neko-Chan- ..... myah..... I guess so.
Alex- Great! Okay, places again! Brandon, Lucy, say your lines again, but this time with 'kitty' in them...
Lucy- *sighing as she and her brother get back into place* Alright... *clears her throat*
Lucy: Westley, what about the K.O.U.S.'s?
Brandon: Kitties Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.) Just as Brandon finishes, Neko-Chan pounces him. As she and Brandon wrestle around, Neko-Chan 'bites' Brandon on the shoulder. After some struggle, Neko breaks free and heads toward Lucy.
Lucy: *screaming* Westley!!
Brandon jumps on Neko and Lucy fends her away with a large branch. After much struggle, a popping sound is heard. A flame rises up and covers Neko-Chan. Not quite dead, the kitty hobbles away, but Brandon gives chase and stabs her a few times, mock killing her.
(Neko-Chan- *hopping off the stage* Myah! That flame almost got me! *tails waving*
Alex- Who set that flame up? Was that you Janet?
Janet- No... I was about to cast one but that one appeared before I got the chance to.
Jason- *coughes loudly and whistles innocently to himself*
Neko-Chan- MYAH! *growling at Jason* Meanie!
Alex- *sighes* Don't fry our cast members...
Jason- What?
Nate- *muttering* And I have to work under this guy? I don't believe this...)